Thursday, January 26, 2012

Things That Cause Stress

Today is Thursday, so that means it’s writing prompt day!

Todays prompt: Write a list of things that "stress you out".

Since I am completely and 100% stressed out tonight, I figured there was no better time to make this list. I need to get this out anyway, so here goes.

Things That Stress Me Out:

1. My job. Seriously. I went to college for four years to become a teacher. I thought it would be amazing. I didn’t think it’d be stressful. I love adolescents. Why wouldn’t I love working with them on a daily basis? Well, I’ll tell you why. When there are 35-38 of them in EACH class ALL DAY LONG, it gets a little (a lot) overwhelming. They are talkative, rude, and disrespectful. They don’t listen to anything any adult says, and they cuss every day. They’re obnoxious and squirrelly, and teaching is NOTHING LIKE COLLEGE MAKES IT OUT TO BE. Now, maybe I am just at the wrong place. But the entire time I was going for my education degree, I wanted to work with high-risk students in a low-income school. I got my wish. And it’s not as fun as I’d hoped. I feel sick every morning driving to work, and I am utterly exhausted at the end of each day.

2. Lack of money. Yeah, I never thought I’d be one of THOSE people either. But here I am, always hoping I’ll make it to the end of the month before I run out of money. Yes, it was my choice to move into a bigger, nicer apartment that costs significantly more than the rent I was paying a year ago. Yes, it was my choice to buy a MacBook Pro last February that I am STILL paying off (but February is my last payment, so that will help). It is my choice to buy a lot of organic food, and that costs more… but I tell myself it’s for my health. I really can’t complain about my money situation because I never thought I’d be making as much money as I do--not that it’s a lot, by any means--but until you earn a salary, any number like that sounds crazy! I just need to be more responsible. I need to keep my receipts and track what I’m spending on. Dan recently introduced me to, and it is helping me keep track of things electronically and categorize everything I purchase. It’s helping a little, but it is SO boring that I hate taking the time to actually use it.

3. Worrying about my fur-babies. My kittens (okay, so they’re four and five years old, but they’ll be my babies forever) always scare me. I am constantly thinking about the ‘what if’. What if I come home and something has happened to one or both of them? What would I do? How would I survive? I know I sound like a crazy cat lady more than ever, but these two little guys (okay, one’s a little gal) keep me happy each and every day. They are always excited to see me. I swear they should be dogs. Anyway, on Tuesday I had a HUGE scare. I was at work in Pueblo, an hour away from home, and I got a voicemail from my apartment complex at noon. They said that my cat Stormy was out roaming around and they wanted me to know so she wouldn’t get hit by a car. I frantically called them back, shaking as I spoke, and the lady said it was a “large, solid gray cat with no collar sitting outside my door.” I calmed down because Stormy is teeny tiny, gray with stripes, and wears a bright pink collar. But for the next five hours until I could make it home, I constantly thought: “What if they didn’t see her stripes? What if they think she’s a large cat? What if her collar fell off somewhere and it IS her?” The thoughts wouldn’t leave my mind, and I sped all the way home after work, only to open my door and have Gilligan come running to me. It’s usually Stormy who greets me at the door, so I freaked out and kept yelling for my little cupcakey girl (don’t ask)… and there she was, asleep on my bed, content and warm as ever. Crisis averted… this time. But they make me worry so much, and worry equals stress in my book.

4. Thinking about future deployments. Yes, I know that Dan being deployed is something that is many years away still. We will be married and maybe even have a child before that time comes. But the thought it always there, lingering in the back of my mind. It makes me question whether I am strong enough to be a military wife. I hate that feeling because I know I am strong. I can handle ANYTHING. I have gone through more than I have wanted to already, and I know that if others can face deployments head on, then so can I! But does anyone enjoy thinking about his or her significant other heading off to a war zone for an unspecified amount of time? I will be a mess when that time comes because it’s already stressing me out now. That’s not a good sign, but I know I am not alone. I have enough friends who are in relationships with military men, and they feel the same way. It’s something you HAVE to think about when investing so much into a relationship with the military. After all, everyone says I won’t be marrying JUST Dan Cook. I will also be marrying the Air Force… at least for 20 years. If I have him, I have to have everything that comes along with flying, deployments, being away, long distance, writing letters, change, and the unknown. I’m not READY, per se, but I am willing to take this journey.

5. Traffic. This one should be a no brainer for anyone who has ever met me (or anyone in my family). I got this road rage/aggression straight from my father, and I cannot help it. It’s genetic. Or so I say as I scream at people and flip them off. It is especially bad in Colorado. All my life, I thought the worst drivers in the world came from Johnson County, Kansas. Well, I was wrong. Come to El Paso County, Colorado (or Colorado Springs, in other words), and you will see a lot of beautiful, amazing sites. But be very careful because the drivers here are INSANE. No one thinks using a turn signal is necessary. Driving 45 in a 65 in perfect weather? Get used to it. How about 85 in a 65 when the roads are covered in ice and the snow is pounding down? Sounds safe, right? Well, that’s how Coloradans drive. Now, I am generalized, I know. It’s not EVERYBODY here. But it’s enough to notice every single time I get in my car to go anywhere, whether I’m driving an hour to work or a mile to the grocery store. It’s ridiculous, and I know road rage adds to my stress. It really does. I get extremely worked up for reasons I cannot control. It’s just something in me, and I don’t know how to stop it. I have been working on not flipping people off, though. I don’t want to do it to the wrong person – or worse yet, a parent of one of my students! How embarrassing would THAT be? Either way, it’s something that stresses me out on a daily basis, but I know it’s something I can work on that may just help me become a more calm, relaxed person. We’ll see. 

Wow, I feel a bit better after typing that all out. Writing is so therapeutic for me. I think everyone should try it because it really does help. That's why I have always loved writing, and I know it's something I will never give up. 


No comments:

Post a Comment