Thursday, March 15, 2012

Day 2 of 30

Today is Day 2 of 30! To see what this is all about, click here.

Today's Challenge: 2.  Describe 3 legitimate fears you have and explain how they became fears.

1. Fish. Yes, it sounds crazy. I am fully aware of that. I do have a story to back this fear up, though, but let me preface with a fun story from my first trip to the ocean with my family. I was 12, turning 13 that week. I stepped into the Atlantic Ocean from Florida, and I felt a tickle at my feet. Curious, I asked my mom what that feeling was. Knowing about my fear of fish, she replied, "Oh, it's just seaweed. Don't worry about it." My curiosity eventually got the best of me, though, and I put on my goggles and looked under water. What did I see? THOUSANDS (okay, probably not, but it sure seemed like it) of small silver looking fish! I immediately jumped onto my father's shoulders to get away from said fish, and I screamed and screamed, making everyone on the beach think I was nuts. I was letting everyone know that there were fish in the water, when in all actuality, it turns out that everyone already knew that, and no one actually cared. Maybe I am nuts. Anyway, the reason I'm scared of fish goes all the way back to when I was just nine years old. I got a purple fish tank for my birthday, and I decorated it with Little Mermaid figurines inside. I got a goldfish to put inside my tank and named him Chief Arrowhead (awesome name, I know). Well, one day, I came home from school and went into my room. No, he wasn't floating at the top if that's what you're thinking, but you're not too far off. Seconds after looking at him, he swam into the air filter and got lodged inside. He could not escape (unlike Nemo, who I hear this happens to as well, although he gets lucky. I refuse to watch that move, though.) Instead, poor little Chief Arrowhead was sliced in half before my nine year old eyes! It was such a traumatizing experience that I will never have a fish again. If my future kids want one, I will get them a puppy instead. 

2. War. Well, I'm not scared of war. I'm scared of Dan being in a war. I always said I would never date anyone in the military, and now I am marrying someone in the Air Force. There was a very specific day during my senior year of college that I read a certain poem for the first time. Dan was at the USAFA Prep School at the time, and I was still acclimating to the whole "military girlfriend" lifestyle. In a British poetry course, I was told to read the poem "An Irish Airman Foresees His Death" by William Butler Yeats. It is beautifully written, but can you see how someone dating a man in the Air Force who wants to be a pilot could see it as a little unnerving? Well, I went home and wrote an analysis of the short poem (which I will post below), and I woke up in the middle of the night crying and shaking from a terrible nightmare. You guessed it: Dan was that pilot. It was miserable, and he thought I was crazy. Ever since that moment, fear of war has weighed heavily on my mind. I know that I chose this lifestyle (as much as you can choose staying with someone you love), but I think it's safe to say that every military significant other feels this way at some point. It's not something I am scared of right now, obviously, but it is something that is in the back of my mind. Here's the poem: 

‘An Irish Airman Foresees His Death’
By William Butler Yeats
I know that I shall meet my fate
Somewhere among the clouds above;
Those that I fight I do not hate,
Those that I guard I do not love;
My country is Kiltartan Cross,
My countrymen Kiltartan’s poor,
No likely end could bring them loss
Or leave them happier than before.
Nor law, nor duty bade me fight,
Nor public men, nor cheering crowds,
A lonely impulse of delight
Drove to this tumult in the clouds;
I balanced all, brought all to mind,
The years to come seemed waste of breath,
A waste of breath the years behind
In balance with this life, this death.

3. The Unknown. I know that sounds ambiguous, but I've described it before. I am a planner by nature, and I always want to know what is going to happen. This is a fear that isn't really a fear but more of a dislike... but I couldn't think of a third fear. I have funny fears but not many of them. This is something I'm working on while I prepare to be a military wife. There are many things I won't know, and I need to accept that that is okay. I have come a long way in the past three years, but I am constantly working on improving myself. 

I will post Day 3 of 30 soon, so be on the look-out! :) 

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