Sunday, March 4, 2012

I Am My Father's Daughter

As I mentioned on Facebook today, it has been exactly six years since my father was taken from me too soon. I was only 18 and a senior in high school when he had a massive heart attack and passed away suddenly on March 4th, 2006 when he was only 44 years old. I will always remember to call I got to come home close to 11:00 on a Saturday night. I got there and met my brother, who was getting dropped off by a friend's parent. We knew something was wrong, but we didn't know what yet. We pieced it together before my mom even got home to deliver the news, however, based on the seriousness of her voice on the phone. We didn't want to be right, but of course we were, and that moment was the worst feeling anyone could ever experience in their lives. It was horrendous, torturous, and just plain not fair. I still hate every thought of that entire night knowing how it ended. My entire world shattered. I was in shambles. To this day, I still feel lost thinking about the moment I found out that my father had passed away.

Instead of dwelling on the sad stuff, though, I want to focus on the POSITIVE memories I had with my dad... and there sure are a lot! I was a daddy's girl through and through growing up, and nothing will ever be able to rob me of that. Although he did not get to see me go to my senior prom, graduate from high school, go through and graduate from college with honors, meet the man I'm going to marry and get to give his blessing, move to Colorado all on my own, or begin my career as a teacher, I know he has been there anyway. I may not have him by my side, but he is in my memory forever. Having lost someone SO important in my life at such a vulnerable age really taught me to cherish EVERY memory, and that is why I take so many pictures. Some people think it's weird. I think it's a good way to capture EVERYTHING that I want to remember.

My dad's favorite song was Freebird by Lynyrd Skynyrd, and he had always joked with me that he wanted it played at his funeral. Although we had been just messing around talking about it, I made sure that came true by making a C to be played that featured Freebird as every other song. You can listen to it on Youtube by CLICKING HERE. Every time I hear the song on the radio, I stop focusing on everything else around me and just listen. That song gets me every time, and it's a nice, comforting way to remember him.

I think of my dad every single day, and it still feels weird when I hear something that I know he will find just as hilarious as me but then realize that I can't actually tell him. I hate that feeling more than anything, but I don't think it will ever go away. But that's okay with me... I don't want the memory of him to ever fade, so I am happy being able to think about him each day. 

Until tomorrow,


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